12 Things You Need To Know To Overcome Rejection
Rejection really hurts. That’s not something you didn’t know of course. Almost everyone has experienced it in some way or other. It can cause a deep, searing ache that lingers and can eat away at you from the inside.
We all want to belong, to feel connected and be socially appreciated, but what is it about rejection that feels just so excruciatingly difficult to overcome?
Neurologically speaking, rejection presents in the same area of the brain as physical pain. This may be due to an evolutionary function. Being rejected from our group was akin to facing death, as the chances of survival alone are far slimmer than when surrounded by your tribe.
As a consequence, social pain is much easier to recall than physical pain, as we are social animals and need community to thrive. So here is everything you need to know about rejection and how to move on from it.
Rejection can be a major event (the loss of a partner) or it can be minor (a friend not returning your message). Both experiences are valid as the minor rejection may just be the tip of the iceberg. It’s worth exploring why, if it is minor, does it feel so significant. Try to address the root cause no matter how small it may seem.
Everyone experiences it. You are certainly not alone and as soon as you share your feelings you may be surprised at how often somebody close can offer their shared experience. Remember we are tribal, if one tribe rejects you, another may embrace you with open arms.
It’s a normal part of life. It’s never going to feel nice, but it will likely happen more than once, so it is useful to take stock of how to deal with it so that you are better prepared next time.
Validate your feelings towards it. It’s OK to feel upset and derailed. Don’t try and cover it up because you feel embarrassed. Rejection is hard so allow yourself to be ok with your feelings. The honesty will give you strength.
Reframe the rejection into opportunity. It may be a bitter pill to swallow in the early days, but trying to spin it around into a new way of thinking, something that might even work out better, can really help. This can work for any type of rejection be it love, a job or something more functional.
Remember that you are always worth it. A huge cliché of course, but undeniably true. Often rejection is due to a lack of meeting of needs but appears as one person’s opinion over another. This can make it imbalanced, so try to factualise the situation. Write down 5 positive facts about yourself.
Don’t get caught up in catastrophizing. In other words try not to let your brain speed out of control into what has not actually happened yet. This can be all too easy to do, so remember what is real and what is just a thought.
Write a list of reasons why this rejection feels so terrifying. Are these reasons realistic, manageable? What can you tangibly and actively do to counteract them?
Take a chance to experience success with this new road that has opened up before you, you honestly don’t know the outcome until it’s happened and you’re not losing anything by just “taking a left turn”.
Avoid negative self-criticism. Similar to catastrophizing, it will only destroy your self-esteem and make the problem larger, not smaller. Focus on the positives; they are way more important.
Rejection should not be feared. If you do fear it, it can lead to a sort of sedation or cauterizing of your life experiences. You risk missing big goals and the thrill of success by hiding under that rock!
Talk to friends or a professional. This will help speed up the healing process. Though it may never fully disappear, pain always fades eventually, it becomes easier to manage and move on from.
Remember rejection is completely normal and can happen often, even to the most seemingly successful people. In fact, some will tell you that’s the reason for their success, just to keep battling through the setbacks.
The more you stand up to it and approach it with tangible actions, the quicker you can pass it by. Do not let rejection consume you.
I wish you all the best,
Beata