Surviving The Holidays: A Psychologist’s Guide
As the holiday season comes knocking, it brings with it a mix of excitement and, let's face it, apprehension for many of us.
So let’s look at the best way of surviving the holidays.
This time of year can be a rollercoaster of emotions and family dynamics can get a tad... complex, and the pressure to create that 'perfect Christmas' can feel super overwhelming.
Here's the thing: having a perfect Christmas isn't about everything being flawless. It's about understanding yourself, learning how to set boundaries, and yes, emotion management. And we can achieve this by understanding what kind of holidayer you are.
Knowing yourself is the first step to surviving the holidays - understanding what triggers you and how to manage it. So, do you know your holiday persona?
The Perfect Christmas: Is it Possible?
Before we dive into the holiday personas, let's take a moment to unravel the myth of the "perfect Christmas”. You've probably seen it portrayed in movies, on social media and maybe even dreamed of the ‘Pinterest perfect Christmas’ yourself - that idyllic scene of a flawless celebration where everything falls perfectly into place.
But spoiler alert: that perfect Christmas only exists in our imagination. It’s a bit like chasing a rainbow's end. It's elusive and, in reality, doesn't quite exist. And that's absolutely okay. Surviving the holidays is enough.
The essentials for a fulfilling holiday season are:
Managing expectations (yours and your family)
Learning how to set boundaries particularly in terms of You vs Family time
Embracing the ‘good enough’
Remember, the true magic of the holidays lies in the genuine connections and moments of joy, not in chasing an unattainable ideal.
Your Holiday Personas
As the holiday season approaches - both with its excitement and stress - it helps to understand our personality tendencies.
What are your challenges during this time?
How can you learn from your natural response to the holidays?
Here, I’ve divided our holiday tendencies into three distinct holiday personas. Recognising which avatar you resonate with can be a crucial step in surviving the holidays through self-reflection and growth.
1. MERRY-GO-ROUNDER: The People Pleaser
The Merry-Go-Rounder is the unsung hero of holiday cheer, forever donned in tinsel and goodwill. You excel at transforming spaces into winter wonderlands and have an uncanny knack for selecting the perfect gifts. You make it your mission to ensure everyone feels wrapped in warmth and care.
However, amidst the whirlwind of spreading joy, the Merry-Go-Rounder often finds themself left behind. Whilst ensuring everyone else's happiness, they can overlook their own well-being. The Merry-Go-Rounder can be so absorbed in the act of giving that they forget to receive, leaving them feeling a bit like an ornament forgotten on the tree.
Self-Reflection Moments
The Pleasing Paradox: Take a moment to ponder why it's so natural for you to make everyone happy. Is it:
A yearning for approval
A desire to be the linchpin of joy
A belief that your worth is tied to the happiness of others?
Understanding this underlying drive can be a powerful step towards self-discovery.
Beyond External Validation: Consider this - what are the other sources of validation that you can explore? Is it in pursuing your passions, nurturing your own creativity or perhaps finding validation in your own self-worth? The Merry-Go-Rounder is a treasure trove of talents and gifts that deserve acknowledgment, even if it's by the person in the mirror.
Prioritising You, Guilt-Free: Learning to prioritise your own needs and desires without the weight of guilt is a gift you can give yourself. It's not selfishness, but rather an essential act of self-love. Embracing moments of self-care, pursuing your interests and setting boundaries are encouraged.
2. CRAZY ELF: The Pursuit of Perfection
A master of holiday extravaganzas, the Crazy Elf orchestrates every detail with precision and care. You are the architect of yuletide perfection, ensuring that every decoration, dish and event is a joyful and well coordinated festive delight.
Yet, in the pursuit of the perfect Christmas and flawlessness, the Crazy Elf treads a risky path. Their meticulous planning and high standards, while admirable, can sometimes lead to a state of perpetual motion. Eventually, the holiday becomes a whirlwind of activity where the joy of the season can be eclipsed by the weight of their own expectations.
Self-Reflection Moments
The Tyranny of Control: Take a moment to explore why you might feel this need to control every detail. Is it a belief that only through this level of precision can the holiday truly be magical? Or perhaps a fear that without your careful guidance, the perfect Christmas might go off course? Understanding this impulse can be a key to unlocking a more relaxed and enjoyable holiday season.
Embracing the Beauty of Imperfection: It's time to consider the possibility of imperfection as a friend and not the enemy. How can you expand your comfort zone to allow for a little more spontaneity and unpredictability? This might mean relinquishing some control and trusting that even in the unexpected, there can be moments of pure holiday magic. Tolerating a little discomfort that the new, unknown and imperfect will bring is a valuable life skills.
Realising Joy in Imperfection: Imperfections don't tarnish the brilliance of the occasion. They add a human touch, a warmth that flows from the heart of the festivities. It's the slightly imperfectly decorated tree, the lopsided gingerbread house, the slightly off-key carol singing, that makes the holiday uniquely yours. Embrace these quirks and find the joy they hold.
3. GRINCHMAS REBEL: The Reluctant Participant
If you’re the mysterious figure who stands at the edge of the festivities, observing from a distance - then you’re the Grinchmas Rebel. You value your autonomy and guard your emotional space with vigilance. Socialising during the holidays feels like navigating a maze of expectations, leading you to set up emotional barriers as a form of self-preservation.
For the Grinchmas Rebel, this reluctance to fully engage with the holiday spirit is not usually born out of a desire to dampen the festivities, but rather a need for authenticity and a yearning to be heard on their own terms.
Self-Reflection Moments
The Art of How To Set Boundaries: Reflect on how you can communicate your boundaries more effectively. Is there a way to express your needs and limitations that feels true to you? Remember, setting boundaries isn't a rejection of others, but a declaration of self-worth.
Dipping Toes in Meaningful Activities: Consider exploring activities that you might enjoy, even if only for a short period. It could be a quiet moment of reflection, joining a conversation that genuinely interests you or participating in an activity that aligns with your values. These small steps can be significant in fostering a sense of connection with others.
Recognising Your Significance: It's time to acknowledge your own importance in the tapestry of holiday gatherings. You bring a unique perspective and energy - and your presence matters. Building the courage to engage, even in small ways, can lead to moments of unexpected connection and understanding.
It's All About Emotion regulation
The holiday personas are not one-size-fits-all - you can be a mix of any or all personalities. But at the heart of it is knowing yourself.
Achieving the “perfect Christmas” is about knowing what triggers you and learning to how to set boundaries and regulate your emotions.
Here are five emotion regulation essentials to navigate the holiday landscape:
Body Awareness: Amidst the holiday hustle, take a moment to be present. Whether it's savouring scents or noticing the rhythm of your breath, mindfulness brings calm.
Real Groundedness: Embrace imperfections and the spontaneity they bring. Release the pressure for flawless celebrations and the idea of a “perfect Christmas”.
Open Communication: Be clear about boundaries and desires. Authentic conversations lay the foundation for meaningful connections.
Prioritising Your Needs: Take moments to replenish your spirit amidst the festivities. Find moments to slow down and replenish your energy.
A Toolbox of Strategies: Fill your emotional toolbox with easy-to-use strategies to release the overwhelm of the holidays. I share more strategies you can try here. Oils are also a great tool to reconnect with ourselves and can serve as physical tokens and reminders to take care of yourself.
These also make fantastic gifts for family, friends or yourself!
Conclusion
The perfect Christmas doesn’t exist. The best we can hope for is a good one. So whoever you are this holiday season, a few words for surviving the holidays:
For the Merry-Go-Rounder: Prioritise your own needs alongside others. Seek validation from within and let your light shine.
For you my dear Crazy Elf: Embrace imperfections. Release control and find joy in spontaneity.
And for the Grinchmas Rebel: Communicate boundaries with grace. Engage in moments where you can connect.
Ultimately, it’s all about knowing how to set boundaries and equipping yourself with a toolbox of strategies you can use to reduce the stress of the holiday and enjoy the season on your own terms.