Controversial opinion - anger is needed!

In a society that tries to ‘manage’ anger and suppress it all the time. I don’t think we are doing a very good job at acknowledging and understanding anger. We need to address why people might be angry all the time.

Anger is often misunderstood, misconstrued and stigmatised. It wears many masks, from fiery outbursts to silent brooding, leaving us wondering if it's an emotion we should dare to embrace.

But what if I told you that anger, far from being the villain, is a powerful emotion with a purpose?

It's a messenger, carrying insights about our boundaries, values and well-being. Let’s explore anger’s misunderstood nature, discover how to manage anger constructively and understand why it's not inherently bad but, in fact, an essential part of our emotional toolkit.

Are you angry all the time?

Anger is good.

Believe it or not, anger is needed. Like all emotions, it serves a purpose. But why do we block this emotion? We don’t tell our friends to block joy or ignore sadness, but as a society, we misunderstand anger. Anger gets a bad rap.

Common society beliefs that have contributed to its suppression:

Anger is Unacceptable: Many of us have been taught, directly or indirectly, that displaying anger is socially unacceptable. We've heard phrases like "don't raise your voice" or "be a good girl/boy and don't get angry." This conditioning leads us to believe that anger should be hidden or stifled.

Anger Equals Aggression: Anger and aggression are often wrongly equated. While anger can lead to aggressive behaviours, it doesn't always have to. Understanding and managing anger allows us to express it constructively without resorting to harmful actions.

Suppressing Emotions is Strength: In some cultures, expressing vulnerability or emotions, including anger, is seen as a sign of weakness. People may believe that to be strong, one must keep their emotions in check at all times.

Getting Angry All The Time Means Something is Wrong with You: S people may seek anger management therapy, believing they need to "fix" their anger. It's crucial to recognise that getting angry all the time doesn't necessarily imply a deep-seated issue. Instead of immediately labelling anger as problematic, it's essential to understand it first before we can express it effectively.

Anger often leads to unhealthy expressions as we block it or fear it and it becomes overpowering. Anger can manifest in different ways like, verbal, physical or passive aggression, as well as self-harm.

There are certainly consequences when someone is angry all the time or using anger as a response to everything. We need to find the root of the cause of anger and manage from the bottom up. The anger management misconception that getting angry means something is wrong is hurting us more than it’s helping us.

Why Do I Get Angry So Easily?

We cannot survive without anger, it played a crucial role in human survival. It's wired into our biology as a response to threats or dangers, providing us with the energy and motivation needed to protect ourselves. Answering the question ”why do I get angry so easily” involves recognising the three main reasons behind it:

1. Survival Instinct:

Anger is a key component of our fight-flight response. It prepares us for immediate action in the face of perceived threats. Imagine suddenly finding yourself in a potentially dangerous situation. Anger steps in, providing the focus and vigour needed to respond effectively.

However, it's vital to discern whether this anger stems from a genuine, present danger or a perceived threat. This awareness guides your response. For instance, being cut off in traffic triggers a surge of anger, preparing you to react swiftly. Yet, it's important to realise this is a perceived threat, and your reaction should be based on whether actual danger is present.

2. Injustice and Boundary Violations:

Injustice, whether in the form of social inequality or personal violations, can be a powerful catalyst for anger. The intensity of this anger often correlates with the perceived severity of the injustice. This type of anger emerges when we feel that our rights, boundaries, or values have been disregarded or violated, creating a sense of injustice.

Picture a scenario where someone deliberately crosses a boundary you've set. Anger rises as a natural response to the perceived unfairness.

3. Feeling Vulnerable, Sad, or Rejected:

At times, we express anger as a shield for underlying emotions like fear, vulnerability or rejection. It provides a sense of empowerment in situations where we feel threatened or emotionally wounded. Imagine a moment where you're faced with rejection or betrayal. Anger might surface as a means to regain a sense of control and protect yourself from further emotional harm.

A close friend might cancel plans abruptly, leaving you feeling hurt and rejected, anger might emerge as a protective response. It's common for anger to mask deeper feelings of vulnerability or sadness.

Responding to vulnerability with anger is a coping mechanism. It offers a way to regain a sense of strength and control in challenging situations.

4. Frustration and Stress:

Everyday challenges and setbacks can lead to frustration and feelings of overwhelm, which, if not managed, can escalate into full-blown anger.

A day filled with unexpected delays, technical glitches and missed deadlines can gradually escalate your frustration to the point of boiling over into anger. Understanding underlying reasons for anger provides a solid foundation for managing and expressing this powerful emotion more effectively.

It's important to remember that experiencing anger isn't inherently wrong; it's how we navigate and respond to it that truly matters.

How to Express Anger in a Healthy Way

Don’t ignore anger!

Expressing anger is an essential part of emotional well-being, yet it's often a topic we tiptoe around in conversations with family, friends and children. We readily discuss stress and anxiety, but when it comes to anger, there's a hesitancy — a societal discomfort that often leaves this strong emotion misunderstood.

It's time to change that narrative.

It's essential to have open conversations about anger within your circle of loved ones. Just as you'd discuss worries or fears, addressing anger fosters understanding and strengthens relationships, therefore helping manage a natural emotion.

Here are other strategy to express anger in a healthier way:

Practise Active Listening: Before anger takes over, actively listen to the situation and understand different perspectives. Misunderstandings often fuel anger and active listening can pave the way to resolution.
Use "I" Statements: Express anger by framing your statements with "I" to take ownership of your emotions. This approach promotes constructive dialogue and reduces defensiveness. Instead of saying, "You always ignore my suggestions," try, "I feel undervalued when my suggestions aren't acknowledged."
Take a Time-Out: When anger feels overwhelming, step back. Engage in deep breathing or a short walk to regain composure and respond more thoughtfully.
Practice Assertiveness: Learn assertive communication techniques to express your needs and boundaries without aggression. This empowers you to stand up for yourself while respecting others.
Keep a Journal: Recording anger triggers and responses unveils patterns and offers insight into root causes. Jotting down the details can serve as a valuable reference for understanding and addressing these triggers.
Seek Professional Help: If anger consistently impacts your well-being or relationships, consider consulting a therapist or counsellor. Learning somatic practices help regulate the nervous system and exercises like TRE (Tension Releasing Exercises) provide additional support in calming underlying emotions.
Practice Relaxation Techniques: Engage in relaxation exercises like deep breathing, meditation or yoga to manage anger's physical and emotional effects. One good somatic practice for releasing anger is to get a towel and twist it so it creates tension in the muscles, therefore releasing the pent-up emotional energy.
Use Humor Wisely: Introducing humour into a tense situation can defuse anger but be mindful not to belittle or dismiss others' feelings.
Collaborate on Solutions: When anger stems from conflicts, engage in problem-solving discussions. Working together to find mutually agreeable solutions can lead to resolution and prevent recurring issues.
Practice Self-Compassion: Being kind to yourself, especially in moments of anger, can be incredibly liberating. It allows you to release the grip of anger on your life, promoting emotional well-being. Practising self-compassion means acknowledging your emotions and treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer to a friend in a similar situation.

How to Deal with Anger

Anger is a natural emotion, not a ticking time bomb that needs defusing. How to manage anger? The first step is to understand it.

Here's a guide to dealing with anger in a healthy, constructive way:

Recognise Your Anger: Anger often wears different masks, from feeling helpless like a storm-tossed leaf to feeling stuck like a car in deep mud. Recognise your specific anger and its causes, such as agreeing to too much or others taking advantage.

Acknowledge Rather Than Suppress: Ignoring anger won't make it disappear. Similarly, suppressing it only leads to an emotional pressure cooker. Instead, acknowledge it. Understand that it's there for a reason.

Reframe Anger: Think of anger as your body's way of waving a red flag, signalling that something needs attention. It's not an enemy; it's a messenger. Much like stress or anxiety, it serves a purpose. When you start seeing it in this light, you can work with it, not against it.

Destigmatize Anger: Imagine if we treated anger the way we do a fever—as a symptom, not a disease. Recognising and acknowledging anger are the first steps in how to deal with anger effectively. We need to strip away the stigma surrounding anger before we can truly understand it.

Practice Reflection Exercises and Mindfulness: It's like preparing for a storm on a calm day. Engage in reflection exercises when you're not in the heat of the moment. This could be through journaling, deep breathing exercises or other physical activities that release tension.

Remember, dealing with anger isn't about suppressing it. It's about understanding how it manifests in your body and finding constructive ways to release it. Like any skill, it takes practice. Be patient with yourself, and know that you're taking an important step towards emotional well-being.

Conclusion

Anger is good - but it needs to be understood.

Being angry all the time can reveal deeper issues, serving as a messenger and alerting us to areas in our lives that need attention.

Embrace your anger.

Get curious about it. Ask questions like, why am I angry all the time? Why do I get angry so easily? By exploring your anger, you can learn to express anger that serves you rather than hurt.

Anger can teach us a lot. How to manage anger entails many varied techniques. If you want to learn what your anger tells you and how to deal with anger, join my upcoming workshop. I will teach you practical strategies about how to manage anger (and OTHER EMOPTIONS too).

It’s time to dispel the misconception about anger and learn to live with it the way we live with all other emotions - with grace and understanding.

Remember, taking care of yourself isn't selfish; it's essential.

Are You Angry All The Time? Healthy Ways To Express Anger